Ask Coach John: Good Answers to Tough Questions
The “Ask Coach John” chatbot is a first-of-its-kind AI-powered tool in the Sprocket mobile app that gives real-time advice to the parents of young athletes regarding common issues such as sideline behavior, handling disappointment, player progress, playing time and more.
Unlike typical online searches which can yield random and often untrustworthy information from a multitude of sources, Sprocket has built the “Ask Coach John” chatbot to pull content directly from the books, podcasts and blog posts authored by John O’Sullivan, a respected leader in the field of youth sports. Sprocket has collaborated with John for many years on best practices in youth sports and the chatbot is part of our ongoing commitment to Parent Education.
What Parents Are Asking
What to say after a bad game
“How should I support my child when they have a bad game or get benched?”
When your child has a tough game or gets benched, the best support you can offer starts with empathy and perspective. Let them know their value isn’t tied to performance or playing time. The “ride home” after a tough match is rarely a teachable moment; instead, simply say, “I love watching you play,” and let them decide if, when, and how much they want to talk about the game.
When they’re ready, be a reflective listener. Ask gentle, process-oriented questions like, “What did you learn today?” or “Is there anything you want to work on for next practice?” This encourages growth and resilience, rather than focusing on outcomes. Share your own stories of setbacks and effort, so they see that failure and adversity are part of learning, not signals to quit.
You could say: “I know today was tough. I’ve felt that way too, and it helped me grow. I’m proud of your effort.”
Supporting your child means respecting their emotions, helping them set new goals, and reminding them that overcoming adversity is how we get better, in sports and in life.From my books: Changing the Game, Every Moment Matters
Confidence is built, not given
“My daughter is so afraid that she will make a mistake in a game and let her team down. It has reduced her confidence to play. How can I help her through this?”
This is a challenge many young athletes face, and it’s rooted in perfectionism and fear of letting others down. In my experience, one of the most powerful ways to help your daughter is to shift her focus from outcomes (wins, goals, mistakes) to the process - effort, learning, and improvement. Confidence is built through skill development and supportive adults who model belief and trust, not just praise or success.
You can help by openly talking about mistakes during unemotional times. Let her know that mistakes are not only normal, but necessary for growth. Use examples of top athletes who have missed big shots or made errors, and bounced back stronger. Encourage her to develop a “mistake ritual” - a small action or phrase she uses to move on quickly (like a “Flush it!” motion).
Praise her effort and commitment, not only the outcomes. You could say: “I’m proud of how hard you worked at practice, regardless of what happened in the game.” This helps her internalize that effort matters more than perfection.
From my books: Changing the Game, Every Moment Matters
Start with three words
“How can I teach my kid how to be a better teammate?”
Teaching your child to be a better teammate starts with focusing on core values and service to others. In my experience, the best way is to get your child thinking about what makes a great teammate - qualities like being positive, encouraging others, working hard, and showing commitment. You could say: “What are three words you’d use to describe someone you love having on your team?”
Once you identify those qualities together, encourage your child to look for opportunities in practice, games, and even off the field to put those values into action. Remind them that being a good teammate isn’t just about scoring goals or making big plays - it’s about supporting their friends, celebrating others’ successes, and sometimes doing the “dirty work” that helps the group succeed.
Catch your child being good and praise specific actions: “I saw how you encouraged your teammate after a tough play - that’s what makes you a great teammate.” When they make mistakes, help them focus on learning and supporting each other.
From my books: Every Moment Matters